Undead or Alive

If we were to revise the classic Folgers Coffee jingle for our own purposes, it would read, “The best part of waking up, is realizing that you don’t have to watch Undead or Alive, because the folks at Aberrant Dreams have already suffered through it.” While not quite as catchy as the original phrase and greatly extended, it hopefully conveys the appropriate message.

Pitched as an addition to the genre of zombie comedy, or the self-coined term, “Zombedy,” Undead or Alive sets out to rewrite history. Concerning the script for the movie, it does just that.

It’s no secret that Geronimo and the United States were not on the best of terms when the Apache military leader battled the U.S. encroachment of the American West. What has been a secret, until the enlightening script for the aforementioned movie was conceived, is that Geronimo created the White Man’s Curse.

No, it’s not a lack of rhythm while upon a dance floor, although that would be an educated guess. Geronimo’s curse causes any white man to become a zombie, immediately following his demise by…well, a zombie attack. Instantly, it becomes a tricky concept to accept, for the connection between the first zombie and Geronimo must have been an assumed one, as it is never addressed within the movie. Neither acknowledged was Geronimo’s celebrity status as a public speaker encompassing his latter years, during which he corresponded with numerous white men, dictated his history, opinions, and views to S.M. Barret, and wasn’t killed by the U.S. Army, but died from pneumonia.

Regardless, we turn to Chris Kattan (of Saturday Night Live fame) and James Denton (Desperate Housewives) as our protagonists, who escape from jail and find themselves hunted by zombies. The concept of the undead begins to feel like a gimmick—even following the Geronimo blunder—as the movie awkwardly progresses, with some afflicted members becoming the bumbling, grumbling variety, and others retaining speech, personality, and goals somewhat outside of the “must feed” creed. One quickly determines that the actors with the most screen time are basically idiotic antagonists with special effect make-up, and there is no rhyme or reason to their advanced state and motivations.

The most enjoyable scene occurs within the first ten minutes of Undead or Alive, with Brian Posehn clumsily attempting to enter his house in order to eat his wife and daughter. The only aspect more humorous than Posehn’s delicious, introductory episode, is the direction in which Chris Kattan’s career has veered following his tenure at SNL. Kattan and Denton subsequently plod through the movie by running from the town sheriff, and the U.S. Union Army (Denton’s character is a deserter). These factions are promptly replaced with zombified versions, which manage to track their prey across the desert as its members quip incessantly, when regarding the decaying state that entails a zombie’s existence. Kattan and Denton play into an awkward alliance, with Kattan portraying an effeminate (insert most of Kattan’s characters here) cowboy, and Denton assuming the role of a former soldier turned aspiring dentist, who could be interpreted as suffering from constipation for most of the movie.

Undead or Alive is frequently compared with both Shaun of the Dead and Fido, and is grossly inferior to the latter films. While Shaun of the Dead and Fido expose the ridiculous nature that underscores the horror genre’s portrayal of the modern zombie, Undead or Alive exploits it as a substitute for character progression. This process translates to a weak pitch, and the overall product elicits more groans than are provided by the extras within; for it feels more piecemeal and whimsical than ambitious in its utilization of multiple genres. With two strong alternatives, either skip this direct-to-DVD release, or trudge through the movie to relish the brief instances of Brian Posehn as an undead goofball.